


Spideypool Bingo 2019: O3 Cat Burglar AU

by ChibisUnleashed



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Legos, M/M, What A Twist!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 17:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21305903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibisUnleashed/pseuds/ChibisUnleashed
Summary: Wade Wilson has his eye on a prize. All he needs to do is take it!
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33
Collections: Isn't it Bromantic?, Spideypool Bingo 2019





	Spideypool Bingo 2019: O3 Cat Burglar AU

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Orange_Coyote for beta-ing!

There were no motion sensors, no lazers to dodge and avoid, but that didn’t mean this heist would be easy. There was a guard, right next to his prize, and it might be dark and he might be napping, but light sleepers were light sleepers, and Wade couldn’t afford to make a  _ sound.  _

He was both thankful and wary of the stylish hardwood floors under his feet. They wouldn’t muffle the sound of his steps, but there was also very little chance of his toes catching in a moment of clumsy destiny and tripping him up, head over heels. 

Wade slowed his breathing to near silence, careful not to stir the air. The heat of his breath was almost unbearable behind the fabric of his mask, but the anonymity was necessary. What if he was caught? What if the guard saw his face? 

The darkness invaded every corner, leaving only the shine of harsh corners and shades of gray to tell Wade the layout of the room. The object of his desire lay innocently atop a small pedestal, unprotected by a glass case or any form of force sensor. He wasn’t going to have to Raiders of the Lost Ark this one. He just had to get in, grab it, and get out as quietly and quickly as he could. 

The soft snores of the guard told him how close he was. Wade was barely a foot, maybe two feet away. His heart beat loud, and Wade resisted every urge in his body to gasp for the air to feed it. He was so close. His prize was just before him. All he had to do was wrap his fingers around it and-

“Augh!” Wade flinched away from the light suddenly in his eyes. 

“Wade,” came a sleepy voice from beside him. The guard. “What are you doing?”

With a black turtle-neck pulled over his usual suit, black pants, and black gloves, Wade looked like a perverse parody of a traditional cat burglar. A cat burglar with a bright red and blue toy set in his hand.

“Wade,” Peter said again, voice stronger now that he was sitting up in bed, “What are you doing with my Lego Spider-man Doc Ock Diamond Heist Spider-plane?”

Now that the bedside lamp had been on for a minute or two, Wade’s eyes had adjusted and he could see the very suspicious, very irate look on his long-time boyfriend’s face. Wade was pretty used to that look by now, and honestly, Peter should have been very used to situations like  _ this.  _

Wade spun on his heel and booked it for the door, “You’ll never take me alive!”

And Peter would never get an explanation. It would ruin Wade’s reputation. Although, probably not any worse than the words Peter screamed from the bedroom after him, loud enough that the neighbors  _ had  _ to have heard them.

“I  _ take _ you alive every other night, Wade! Get your ass back here!”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that one scene in Deadpool and Cable where Wade's pretending to be a detective. You know the one I mean.


End file.
